By Tammy De Armas for THRIVE! NEWS
April is Abortion Recovery Awareness Month. The goal is to provide healing and support to people who have had an abortion and to educate the public on the negative impact of abortion. The moral, emotional and physical injuries sustained as the result of an abortion can last a lifetime, and healing is necessary. I can write that statement as part of my lived experience.
Growing up the child of an alcoholic, I became the defender for my family who struggled with my dad during his drunken rages. I was brave at those moments, only to break down in tears later on, always asking God where He was in times of crisis. The summer going into my senior year of high school, my dad choked to death while drinking. My dad’s choices had terrible consequences that sadly affected me and others. This is true for me as well because of my own abortion decision.
In my second year of college, I found myself in an unplanned pregnancy. Seeing the positive confirmation on the pregnancy test triggered my “survival mode” response I had learned years earlier. What was I going to do? I told my boyfriend that I was pregnant, and we agreed that it was best to abort the baby. I wanted to be sure I really was pregnant, so I suggested we do a blood test for accuracy. Looking back, I was stalling too. I, like most women, was ambivalent; we don’t really want an abortion. I wrestled between denial and fear. I was seeking a way out of this nightmare.
I wanted my baby. I felt the bond early. I also knew that I wanted to stay with my boyfriend. Like so many others, I felt that if I chose to continue carrying the baby, I might lose him. For those who have never had to make this choice, it seems like a “no-brainer” to choose to protect the life of the baby. How I wish that to be true. When you are scared, you don’t think clearly. The woman at Planned Parenthood dismissed my maternal concerns, stating “When the time is right you can have a baby.” She said that as if the one I was carrying wasn’t a baby; the one I had within me already. The decision became much easier to think about and to get this done before it “became” a baby.
